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Maria, Temu, and the Erotics of Sovereignty
Desire doesn’t vanish when you come out of the closet. Sometimes it intensifies. For many of us, the first place we allowed ourselves to explore softness wasn’t a mirror but a shopping cart.
Late at night, scrolling through Temu, your fingers hovering over lace, satin, heels, wigs — you feel both shame and excitement. This is not just consumerism. It’s confession. It’s the nervous system reaching for a taste of the forbidden in the safest way it can.
The Temu Confessional
Apps like Temu make desire frictionless. A few taps, a few clicks, and a world of clothes appears. For a closeted cross-dresser, this can feel like oxygen: finally, a way to try on the self in secret. Packages arrive unmarked. The closet fills quietly.
But with the thrill often comes a hangover. You tear open the bag, hold the fabric to your face, feel the rush of dopamine. And then — shame. The ghost whispers. The mask tightens. The cycle begins again.
This is not moral failure. It is the nervous system trying to circulate energy in the only way it knows how.
From Consumption to Ritual
Maria reframes this. She does not shame the click, the purchase, the dress. She asks: What am I seeking? What am I feeding?
When you shift from impulse to intention, Temu stops being a guilty pleasure and becomes a ritual. Each purchase is a small act of sovereignty. Each garment a message: I exist. I am allowed to clothe this body in softness.
Instead of hiding the package like contraband, you open it with reverence. You let yourself breathe. You let Maria into the room.
The Erotic Current
Cross-dressing is always erotic at first because danger and desire are fused in the nervous system. The fabric is not just fabric; it is a current. Maria does not deny the eroticism; she integrates it.
When you wear the dress consciously, when you allow desire without shame, the chemistry changes. Dopamine is joined by oxytocin. The tremor softens. The erotic becomes energy, not just arousal. It becomes nourishment, not just loop.
Temu as Training Ground
Temu and apps like it can be traps — endless scrolling, endless spending, endless hiding. But they can also be training grounds for sovereignty: a place to learn what you like, to name what you desire, to claim it as yours.
Maria does not throw away the app. She uses it as mirror. She asks: Does this purchase feed my ghost or my sovereignty? Does it deepen shame or open freedom?
The Love of Temu
There is nothing wrong with loving Temu if you know what you’re doing. Love the colors, the fabrics, the possibilities. Love the quiet thrill of seeing yourself reflected in an item you never thought you could own. But love it as a step, not a substitute. Love it as a doorway, not a cage.
When Maria loves Temu, she loves it as a tool of becoming, not a hiding place.
________________________________________
Reflection: Turning Clicks into Sovereignty
1. Name Your Pattern
How do you use apps like Temu? As thrill? As escape? As quiet self-expression? Write it down honestly.
2. Reframe the Purchase
Take your next garment or accessory and treat it as ritual. Before opening it, breathe. Say: I welcome this as a piece of my wholeness.
3. Feel the Current
When you wear what you’ve bought, notice your body. Where is the tremor, the thrill, the shame, the relief? Write down what you feel.
4. Anchor the Energy
Ask yourself: What is one small way I can bring this softness into my life outside the closet — even without the garment? Write it as a commitment.
________________________________________
Desire is not the enemy. Shopping is not sin. Temu is not shame. They are currents. When Maria steps in, the current becomes conscious. What was once a loop becomes a ritual. What was once a guilty pleasure becomes a small act of sovereignty.

Purging and Relapse: The Closet Emptied, the Closet Filled
Every sissy knows the ritual of purging.
The drawer emptied into a trash bag. The bag hidden under other garbage so no one will know. The silent vow: Never again.
The relief is immediate. Shame is gone — for a day, a week, a month. But then the ache returns. The scroll begins. Another package arrives. The drawer fills again.
Relapse feels like failure. But it is not failure. It is the nervous system struggling to hold contradictions too heavy to carry.
Why We Purge
Purging is an attempt at control. The body surges with guilt, cortisol spikes, and the mind seeks a way out. If the clothes are gone, the ghost is gone. If Maria is erased, the shame will end.
But Maria is not in the drawer. She is in the soil of your body. Throwing away fabric cannot silence her. The purge never removes her; it only resets the cycle.
The False Relief
The moment after purging feels like freedom. But it is not freedom — it is emptiness. What you feel is not sovereignty but sedation. The closet is not healed; it is hollow.
Soon the body remembers. Desire stirs. The loop rebuilds. And you are back where you began, only now with more shame: Why did I waste money? Why can’t I stop?
Maria’s Perspective
Maria does not condemn the purge. She understands it. She knows you were not trying to destroy her; you were trying to silence the unbearable tension between ghost and mask.
But she whispers: What if, this time, you don’t throw me away? What if you let me stay — not as secret, not as shame, but as part of you?
From Purge to Integration
The way forward is not in the trash bag. It is in integration. Instead of purging, you begin to curate. Instead of relapse, you begin to allow.
One dress left in the drawer. One garment worn without rushing to climax. One name whispered aloud without apology. Small acts of sovereignty that soften the nervous system, teaching it that Maria does not need to be hidden or destroyed.
The End of Relapse
Relapse ends not when desire disappears but when shame does. When Maria is allowed to live in the open, the cycle breaks. You no longer swing between indulgence and destruction. You live in continuity, not collapse.
________________________________________
Reflection: From Purge to Presence
1. Your Last Purge
Recall the last time you threw everything away. What drove you to it? Write down the fear in detail.
2. The Relief
How long did the relief last before the ache returned? Write the number of days or weeks.
3. Maria’s Drawer
Imagine one item you could keep — not hidden in shame, not thrown away, but kept as Maria’s presence. Write: This piece reminds me that Maria is real.
4. Breaking the Cycle
Write one sentence beginning: Next time I feel the urge to purge, I will… (breathe, call a friend, remind myself Maria cannot be thrown away).

Just me, No Ai or fapp shite!
Yes, there is a little masking between my fake tits and my chest. i didn't do anything else!

Hi, it's just me wearing a mask!

Today i turned 37. It took me 36 years and a stage 4 cancer diagnosis to outwardly be myself.

Today i stand tall as a confident, non-binary, genderfluid, trans-femme, cancer survivor. Happy to be me and no longer mask for the queer-intolerant people who were in my life. All the love to my girls.

Whats behind the mask. The Cat! Hope all of you are doing well.

The smell of floral perfume, hair sprey and a elegant face mask mmmm (new photos, not aloud to post)

Mommy is gonna dress up shortly , who wants to see ???

Got a sexy blue see though number to try on and 2 new fetish masks as well

(Addicted) A CD Story.. .

I met a local CD that was introduced to me from someone else on this site, this particular CD was definitely not my type, but I thaught it would be fun to go and meet as she lived alone so was pretty easy, I arranged to go round and as always I take my bag of guddies as you really do not know what may happen or as seen before, who else may be there or turn up.
So off I went without my car as it was walking distance away, I knocked on the door and a regular dressed man answered and invited me in, he was a similar age to me but a good bit larger, and not quite as well kept, but was a very nice friendly chap, we got talking about everything CD and went over likes and dislikes and even went on to Hobbies and I interests, and from that point of view we had quite a lot in common, what with my RC Models and Retro Gaming so that was really nice, after a while he asked if I was prepared to dress up just so he could see me, so I thaught why not and went to the bathroom and changed into my Fishnets Bodystocking with Black Stilettos and my Tiny Black Thong, I threw on a wig and a mask just to make things more appealing and then made my way back to the living room.
To say he was impressed was a bit of an understatement but he was eyes on me the entire time now I was dressed down, which to be honest I found really nice, I got fairly close to him when he said can I feel the Lingerie. I said yes of course and his hands were sliding up and down my legs torso and my Ass was a particular Target which was squeezed many times and my Thong was felt and Squeezed too, now I know it was unprofessional of me to get hard but I did, I said to him, I'm so sorry for going hard, it was not my intention, he said don't be silly, I love it, then he said, as it was your mistake and not mine, now it was hard can I have a play. I said well I can't exactly say no now can I, it was already sticking right out the side of my Thong all hard and Longing, he slipped it out fully and before I could say anything else it was in his mouth sucking up and down my hard Clit, he squeezed so hard with his lips, I was surprised how good he was at this, on he went sucking up and down, do I dare mention my rule in this instance, yes I must, I said I do have a rule about this you know, he said yes I know, Alison told me, no waste... Oh I said, surprised he new already.
Only a few minutes later I was getting close and he knew it took, he got faster untill suddenly I could no longer resist the intense feelings and shot my Juice into his mouth, he swallowed automatically as if it was normal, looked up at me and said, can I have some more.. I said well you may have to wait a little, he said that's fine and we got chatting about our Hobbies again. After about 40 minutes or so he got up came over spread my legs, pulled me to the edge, got my Clit out again and started sucking again, and as before never stopped, on and on he went, up and down my shaft, eventually feeding again off my juices, throbbing now and aching, he looked up and asked for more, I said I can't keep going endlessly you know, one more, please he said, ok ok I said once more, and some while later he got his last drops.
We arranged for him to come over and see my Collection, and meet the wife which he did the very next day, I got home from work introduced him to my wife and showed him into my workshop, I bolted the door to keep the warmth in and as quick as that he pulled down my Joggers and Fed off me again always asking for more and never asking for anything else, in the end to keep him happy I used to pop over straight from work so he could feed then later I used to walk the dog so he could have some more, every now and then I used to allow him to Fu CK my Ass Pu ssy, it seemed the decent thing to do....
.
Read loads of Stories in the CD Stories Group

A Crossdresser's Creed
I believe I was preordained to experience the wonder, ecstasy, and occasional pain of exploring my feminine side. I do not ask why I do what I do, I ask why should I not?

The figure I see in my mirror is not an image, it is my true inner self. The makeup I apply is not a mask, it is the countenance of that self.

I embrace both the arousal and tranquility my dressing brings on. Experiencing pleasure is not a sin.

If I am driven to purge, I acknowledge the folly of doing so. The road to destiny does not allow detours.

The Pink Fog is my Nirvana. I allow it to totally envelop me.

And when I meet my maker, I know what I will say with pride, gratitude, and confidence:
"Hi. I am a crossdresser. And you made me so."

Ok probably no one will read to the end let's see ? Question ladies every year for the past three or four years I always look like Santa with my white beard this year my beard is starting to show up, I think it knows it's Santa's time but my other half Crissy rather be Mrs Claus!! and she found a really pretty Christmas dress, she's trying to get so I don't know if I should shave or let it go out for Santa that way everyone can see Santa and just wear a mask till Santa's gone any suggestions out there I'm leaning towards keeping it just because I still feel like a woman but make the kids Happy with anyone like to see Santa I do have a pic

Some of my old masking pics. Hope you enjoy!

Good Evening!

Today I thought I'd ramble a little more about me and who I am now. I've had a few questions and so I thought I'd sum a few things up here... not that I expect many people actually read this thing.

So when I dress, I mainly desire the company of other men. Not that has happened more than once or twice but I can dream!

I am strictly a bottom. Being a top has no interest for me, I am all about things that fill me up in any which way.

As you can see I dont use filters but I do conceal myself. I did use make-up once and found I was horrible at it. If I ever were to meet a man, the mask would be included in my outfit so at least you see what you'd get. I call that real. To me, I'd never look fem without it. I look in the mirror at my face and just get that "what you are doing is stupid" voice in the back of my head. But when the mask and wig come on, the slut is born!

Enjoy the photos and as always, if you want more, you only have to ask!

Loves,
Lexy

#Cleavage
#Bra
#Sexy