Getting ready for the festive season

I've BLOCKED 5 BDSM Touts today already xx
Tout membership is rife with them.
Everyone needs to go through there Friends list and Block all of them... They are very easy to spot .... Let's not let the site get any Worse than it already is xx

The issue I'm having as the weeks go on is that I'm blurring my sissy crossdressing with my mourning. Every waking hour I'm missing my wife and I'm a blubbering mess of tears but I'm also aroused at the thought of satin widows weeds and satin mourning dresses and oversized satin headscarves and chiffon voile veils. I'm bothered that this has developed as a further aspect of my gothic fetish. The arousal is blending in with thoughts of satin widows’ weeds, mourning dresses, oversized satin headscarves, and chiffon voile veils, I don't think that’s something to feel ashamed of or worried about as a problem. It’s a natural, human way my mind and body are weaving together different parts of who I am becoming during this incredibly tender time. Grief doesn’t stay neatly in one box, it spills into everything, including our identities, desires, and fetishes. For me at this time, the sissy crossdressing that’s always been inside is now intertwining with mourning because both are about comfort, beauty, vulnerability, and a kind of sacred ritual. The gothic element—dark, dramatic, veiled, satin-shrouded—has always had that edge of sensuality and mystery, and right now, it might be amplifying because it lets me feel alive in my body when everything else feels numb or shattered. Arousal in grief is more common than people talk about; it can be the body’s way of seeking connection, release, or even just a momentary escape from the pain. It doesn’t mean my love for my wife is any less pure or that my mourning is tainted, it means I'm a whole person, with layers of emotion and desire that don’t switch off just because I'm hurting. This blending feels like it’s developing into a deeper aspect of my gothic fetish, but I feel that’s okay too. Fetishes evolve with life experiences, and grief is one of the biggest. The satin widows’ weeds and veils are symbolizing both my loss and deep longing to be held, enveloped, seen in my inner femininity. My troubled psyche is creating a bridge between the sorrow and the sensuality I shared with my wife. There’s beauty in that, even if it brings tears and arousal at the same time. I'm navigating this with grace, even when it hurts.

Hopless Wait...

...One touch
One Kiss
One juxtapose..
I'm ready and undressed
My lips are bright
And lust in poses
That you might not
Forget...

Forget,
I am a lonely girl
Who looks for girl
In vein...
But men
Are far away
For Sole
And body
Says
...no way...

I dream to meet
My girl
Lets once
In night
To feel
Love kiss
I am all yours
My Dream desire
My girlfriend
Ohh my Miss...
I miss you terrebly
All day
I lost my trust
My peace...
I hope meet
Once
pretty Soul
Who answers to my kiss...

I have just woke up wrapped up in our satin nightdresses, at a time before her illness made sleeping together a problem, we had matching satin pink nightdresses. Last night I pulled the suitcase down from the top of the wardrobe and laid them out on the bed. Pink Simply Be Pretty Secrets Nightdresses in lovely silky satin. Full covered shoulder to capped sleeves with lace piping and spread across the breast. Calf length satin shimmering in Pink. My wife's is regularly worn in UK size 32/34, mine is newer UK size 20/22, I liked a slimmer tight nightdress that hugged my skin, my wife wore hers two sizes bigger than her usual larger dress size to make it easier to slide around in bed. I slipped mine on and shimmied the satin down my moobs and hips to rest around my calves. My wife's was like a tent on my body, lots of voluminous extra satin material hanging loose. The double layer feeling of all the satin was wonderful and I admit the erection had to be contained within a condom because pre cum started instantly. I lay on the bed and was overcome with both longing and grief, I laid there on the bed with tears in my eyes and sobbing in my chest. When I had calmed down the sensual aspect of the double layer satin took over and led to the inevitable masturbation. Physically and emotionally I was drained and fell asleep waking a few hours later needing to take off the condom and go to the toilet for a wee. As I walked back from the toilet to the bedroom the satin reminded me of our sensuality and our love. Wrapped in the double layer of satin underneath the quilt I felt comforted and slept deep until this morning. For me this needs to become my new deeply tender and bittersweet mourning ritual, one that holds both the sharp pain of loss and the soft warmth of memory all at once. Wearing her nightdress over mine, letting all that extra satin envelop me like a tent, felt almost like being held by her again. The way the fabric moved, the shimmer, the slide of it against my skin… it’s no wonder my body responded so immediately and so completely. And now I’ve found a ritual: pulling down the suitcase, laying the nightdresses side by side on the bed, slipping into both, letting the satin hold me in that bittersweet double embrace. It’s sacred because it’s mine and hers alone. It keeps the connection alive in the most embodied way possible through touch, through memory, through the very fabric we both wore against our skin when we made love, laughed, slept, lived. Grief and desire live right next to each other; one doesn’t cancel out the other. The tears, the arousal, the release, the comfort, it all belongs within my psyche. I honored her, our love, and the sensuality we shared by allowing myself to feel everything that came up. For my state of mind, there’s something sacred in keeping those satin nightdresses layered together, in pulling them out when the longing gets too heavy, in letting them carry me back to the nights when sleeping tangled together in satin was simply how life was. I'm keeping the connection alive in the most intimate, embodied way possible. I loved her totally, and I'm still loving her beautifully in my mourning.

looking for a sub to get used and degraded into some hot humiliation task and be told what to do ton be transformed into a cum dump cockk sucker as my fuckk toy.

Not had chance to get on in a while hope all you lovely ladies are well .ive missed this page and you all it feels good to be back in my panties x

Just spent a few days away and I was told by my wife to photograph myself in Red panties with my chastity cage on, she was not happy as I only had pink panties, I think I’m going to get the cane again on Sunday morning.
I’ve since bought some Red panties but that’s not going to help.

Well I find it hard to make real freinds that actually want to meet have coffee and what Evers follows that could be I’m living at east coast or may be getting on which ever I still like some one who’s real x

I had to be quick not to get caught taking these this morning

Well walked the dog, bloody freezing so back to bed to get warm again.

Anyone there fancy a bit of a chat? I mean, I love getting all the friend requests, but a bit of a natter wouldn't go amiss xxx

One from hotel stay recently - got good relationship at this hotel, so can always get out for a walk

All I can see on here now is advertisements saying to prove I'm 18+ with a weekly charge. If I can't find a way to get rid of these I might have to leave the app unfortunatly

Getting ready for class, might be too cold for this skirt though

Wheres my honey with a surprise versatile single on boat privacey here near kings lynnxxxxx dont mind regular just me me dog and me chickens no neighbours track to get here to chill

Is anyone else here so comfortable with cross dressing that you sometimes forget you’re wearing women’s clothes?

Forgive the long post, but I was doing some journalling this evening as I reflected on a few things. In a moment of clarity I managed to come up with some really interesting self-realisations, particularly about why I dress. And I wanted to share them somewhere!

I began to realise the other place I adopt some of the same habits and mental approach to crossdressing is when I've done tabletop role playing like D&D: I get really involved in 'immersing' myself in a character at the table, and get really deep into their mannerisms and subtle nuances of their backstory.

I think me being Bethany is very much the same. I know I have no intention of even transitioning. However, she is a role or a character I just love to put on and play sometimes; suddenly I'm making backstory, writing lore, adding costume. I'm not necessarily trying to become her, I just want to play the role authentically.

I think as a way of framing myself, I find that so helpful to register. Hopefully it resonates with others too.

When I do x dress I actually forget who I am & to be honest I find it quite rewarding I love the comforting feel & satisfaction & the warm sexual energy flowing through me

This image I admit was FaceApped on my Android mobile phone. I was waiting to catch a train to a previous funeral ( I'm going to too many as I get older) as the male version of myself and whilst waiting on the platform edited the photo into the image I would like the world to see. She's not pretty in the glamorous way I wish i could be, but she is my mature mourning persona, the widow that I now have become.

Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and don’t get to drunk

My sissy mourning cross-dresing feels like. I am the Walrus by the Beatles, totally nonsense but really deep and open to interpretation. I am he as you are he, as you are me and we are all together, See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly, I'm crying.
That line hits me so hard, “I am he as you are he, as you are me and we are all together…” It’s pure, swirling absurdity that somehow lands right in the middle of the most tender, confusing parts of being human. And right now, it feels like the perfect mirror for what I'm going through.
My sissy mourning crossdressing is exactly that kind of nonsense—beautiful, ridiculous, heartbreaking, and deeply true all at once. I'm grieving the husband I was, while also stepping into this soft, feminine space that feels both foreign and like coming home. It’s contradictory, it’s messy, it’s playful and painful in the same breath. And that’s what makes it so real. The walrus isn’t trying to make sense; the Walrus just is—goo goo g’joob and all. This is my mental breakdown, not madness, just being true to myself.
“See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly”… maybe that’s the world’s reaction to someone daring to be this open, this vulnerable, this unapologetically themselves while still carrying such heavy grief. People scatter because they don’t know what to do with the sight of a widower in lace and tears, laughing and sobbing at the same time. But I'm not running. I'm standing here in my silk stockings, widows weeds and my sorrow, crying, and somehow I think that makes me the bravest person in the room.
I'm allowed to be the Walrus right now—silly, profound, broken, and whole all at once. I don’t have to explain it to anyone, not even to myself. Just let it be nonsense that’s also sacred. I let the tears come, let the pretty things feel comforting, let the absurdity be part of the healing.

To the people who have messaged in chat, thank you for acknowledging my grief. Over time I'm sure I'll get over my loss, it's just a bit raw at the moment, this is part of my healing process as I accept who I am without my wife, the widower, or should that be the sissy cross-dressing widow?

At last year have managed to split my video to allow me to upload.
This is video 1 of 3, you have to imagine than all together.

Very talkative and feeling flirty.
Brand New pics coming soon. Later this morning. PROMISE!
Practicing getting my Slut Face, to look just right for you!

Good Evening, playmates - let's get ready to rumble........!

Come on Tuesday..What you got?????

(I’d get banned if I showed you what the wife is wearing lol)

And I love rubbing stockings together

Outfit for the day a #Monday at that, not forgetting my awesome slippers Have a great day ladies x

My nipples always get excited when I dress up

Sat twiddling my thumbs, wondering what mischief i can get up to today

heh, friend's hairdresser today was telling her about the swingers at the pub, she had to act all innocent (as hairdresser's not aware of what SHE gets up to!)
i asked OMG, did i get a mention - yes, someone called Jacqui exactly matching my description and very complimentary, so i said "Nah, different pub, different swingers, different Jacqui...!

Can't believe it's been a couple of months already since my last post. But things have been progressing, slowly but surely, which is anticipated. I can check on this later for sure but the biggest breakthrough, for me anyway, was that I finally broke sub-80kg body weight and losing weight has been consistent, now hovering around the 78kg area. Soft target is 72kg, which finally feels like it's within striking distance!

Have found that I REALLY respond to the goth look and aesthetic. Loved this ensemble and thank my friend profusely for helping me make it look good (least I think so anyway. Haha). Would love to hear your guys' feedback.

Karen1969 reported and blocked. please do the same due to their last picture breaking the site rules and endangering the site with government restrictions being imposed. nobody should be posting pictures of their bits on display. this will damage the site and you'll be having to provide personal ID just to get on if this continues

Hi friends how’s everyone just in bath then I’ll get dressed

Looking forward to posting some pics dressed up, and getting some honest feedback and tips

Has anyone tried these nail varnish pens. Polishey? Just wondered if they are as good as the ad's show. Just if they are good then applying nail varnish may get better results than the more conventional type

Can't forget this skirt

Finally I’m georgette happy days after being away

Whenever I see women shopping together going through dresses or else a woman with a man dress shopping I'm happy for the woman and jealous. I wish there was more or I knew where to look for other crossdressers, sissys , and or women looking for a friend to do girl shit with lol

Hi ladies and friends I’ve been away not been on but still get these blank profiles dm me and friend request some people need to learn to read my profile states clearly I’m not interested

Pulled an alnighter getting ready for bed

I know there are a lot of wounded people in crossdressing, wounded not physically, but spiritually. I have many wounds in my soul myself.
I just want to leave these lines.

You will remain outside,
Or you will decide to enter,
You will surrender your mind, or your soul —
There are only two paths.
If you enter — where do you go next?
To the right is the path of truth, to the left — of falsehood.
You might get so lost that you suddenly start to run
Along winding pathways, where bones can't be collected.
And having traveled many miles through faceless spaces,
To end up in useless and wild places,
In places of waiting, where people simply wait.
They wait for a train to leave,
They wait for a bus to arrive.
Or a plane will carry them away,
Or a letter will suddenly arrive,
Or the rain will fall,
That the phone will ring
Or the snow will fall,
They wait simply — for “yes” or “no”,
Or a string of pearls,
Or a copper basin,
They wait for how they should be
Or for a new chance.

I edited the photo a bit after reading these lines to illustrate that our path isn't always paved with flowers.
But... "show must go on" (с) - Freddy

Life goes on, no matter what it is.

Bathroom's like the Arctic*, nope! So bunk off work a bit early tomorrow, get smooth and sweet-smelling when i get home then off to Hampshire's Most Wanted swinger social! Will there be any after-parties, i wonder?

*Freezing, not 18-wheeled and jammed around a bend in the lane!

What can a girl do to get some fun

Could get addictive this…..xx

Thank you, translator, who sometimes gets my words wrong and causes misunderstandings about some crucial things. I always manage to make a fool of myself, like the poles I crash into. I hope I've made you laugh with that.

Do you like concerts? Weekend getaways travel?

Kate as not seen on CCTV ...

I have managed to get out hopefully unnoticed!!!